Hello Gorgeous Souls,

 As the New Year fast approaches, we are all busy picking our word for the year. You know what I am talking about, the right of passage for anyone who follows along in the personal development world. To be honest with y'all this shit is not normally my jam, in fact I don't really resonate with it very much. But as 2021 closes and I constantly feel like I am getting kicked in the dick by the Universe lately, I felt a need to reassess my judgement towards this and try it out again. Therefore, I have picked myself a word:

SAFETY  

Even writing this word makes me feel like I am copping out in some way, maybe because I wanted it to be more empowering, but if 2021 has taught me anything, it's that I need to focus on finding safety on so many levels of my life and until I focus on figuring out what makes me feel safe in my life, I will keep struggling with the same bullshit problems I have this year. In all honest, I don't think there has been a moment in my life where I have ever felt truly safe after my parents divorce. 

It went down when I was 11 and it was rough. It felt like the second my parents divorced from each other, they divorced themselves from the idea of having to be parents. It was like they just figured my little brother and I would figure it out on our own, and we did, but that doesn't mean that it didn't come with some trauma packed bullshit that keeps my therapist paid on a weekly basis. The day I found out they were divorcing my body went into fight or flight, and has been there ever since. I have been surviving, every single day, I have been putting up the good fight every single day. I was built for survival. And I have wore that badge proudly on my chest and it has become a part of my identity:

"You never need to worry about Amanda, she will survive"

"Amanda thrives in pressured situations"

"Amanda can handle it, she always does" 

Each and every single one of the sayings has been said about me, some right to my face, and I always took pride in them. Yes, no matter what happens, I will fucking figure it out, I will fight, I will always survive. If my business blew the fuck up tomorrow, if I lost every single penny, I would rebuild and come back bigger, stronger, better, there is no doubt about that in my mind. But at the same time, just because I am built to survive, doesn't mean I have to. 

I have been so focused on surviving my entire life, I can even enjoy the moments I am thriving. I am constantly looking around the corner, waiting for the shoe to drop, for shit to hit the fan, for my willpower and survival to be tested. And it has made me fucking exhausted and miserable. When moment are good, all i can focus on is what will happen when they aren't, creating every single "what if" disaster scenario in my head so that I can be prepared for when shit inevitably goes down. I have built a $600,000 plus business in three years and I can't even fucking enjoy it. 

I have tied my safety to my income. When I have outstanding months, I feel safe for about a milliasecond, then I start freaking out about how I am going to replicate those results the next month.  When I am spending $20,000 on in person retreats, my anxiety shoots through the roof, I feel sick, I feel unsafe as I watch the money decrease in my bank account. And I am fucking tired, guys, so unbelievably tired of not feeling safe within myself. 

So 2022, isn't dedicated to my business. It's not dedicated to my offers, my 1:1 coaching containers, my in person events. 2022 is dedicated to me and finding safety within myself. My business will thrive, I know that, and I need to stop becoming hyper focused on it and start becoming more focused on myself and creating the safety that I am craving in my life. 

Today I sat down at a coffee shop, bought a maple brown sugar chai latte, and deciding to get real clear on what exactly safety means to me. I created this: 

This graphic is my roadmap to beginning to feel safe within myself. I used a Canva template for a vision board and broke down what exactly would make me feel safe with myself in 2022. I broke it down into the categories that I wanted to focus on and what it really meant to create safety within them. 

I wanted to share it with you because maybe this will help y'all connect with your 2022 words and really focus on anchoring them in. Maybe this graphic will help you gain clarity on what exactly you need in 2022 to live your best life. And please for the love of God make it NOT about your business. My business is my everything, but it shouldn't get the best of me, that should belong to my personal life. 

So this year, to anchor in safety, I will be taking solo trips up and down the East Coast, I will be teaching myself how to step into being soft and not guarded all of the time, I will be stepping out of my business and creating passive income so I can finally fucking live. All of this will come true and will bring in so much abundance for 2022 because when I feel safe, I will recognize how abundant I truly am. 

I challenge you as you are reading this to create this graphic for your 2022 word and how exactly you are going to focus on bringing your word to life. Create yours, show it to your people, tag me in it @fierceasfucktribe so I can celebrate you calling in everything you have desired for 2022. 

As for me, I will be focusing on my safety and finally getting myself out of fight or flight mode. I will be focusing on becoming my best self in order to achieve this, and I truly hope y'all come along for the ride. I hope that you all find safety within yourselves every single day. And if you can't, it's okay, but it's time to figure out what it means to be safe with yourself. 

It won't be easy, trust me, I am sure this year will be full of emotional challenges that I will have to face head on, but I am willing to do the work if you are. 

Love your freakin faces,

Amanda