I Felt Unsafe

Hello Gorgeous Souls,

 Long time no chat!! It's been 11 days filled of living in New Orleans and hosting my two in person retreats. I haven't had much time to sit down and write a new blog post, but something happened last night that I wanted to talk about. 

I have been feeling so unbelievably abundant that last 11 days hosting these retreats. I have been able to connect, network, and really enjoy my time here in a city I love with amazing fucking women and I felt like I was on cloud nine, until last night. 

As I ended my day with the Kings Court ladies, I came back to my room, read a book, took a hot ass bubble bath, crawled into bed and just felt so damn good in my body. I felt good in my soul. I finished my book, turned off the lights, and went to close my eyes, when a thought popped into my head "what if I don't sell any seats into Kings Court mastermind? Will I be able to afford my bills next month without anyone signing up?"   and within a fucking instant my beautiful day spiraled into complete fucking panic. 

Within a millisecond, my entire body freaked out. My heart started to palpitate uncontrollably, my stomach turned, I began to feel like a weight placed on my chest, the pressure becoming all consuming. Typically, when this happens, it's brought on by endless anxiety and overanalyzing for hours inside of my head, but this time, it literally came out of no where and hit me like a train. 

Because I am fucking scared about not selling seats into this Mastermind. I am scared about failing another launch. I am scared that I will not be able to pay my bills and shit. That is a real fear that lives inside of my brain every day, as I am sure it lives inside of yours. Because as entrepreneurs we have to make money in order for our business to survive and in that moment last night, I felt the entire pressure of the world drop on my shoulders.

As you know, I have been focusing on safety for 2022 and really feeling safe within my business, whether I am making a fuckton of money, or whether I am not. So last night, when this feeling hit me out of nowhere and I began to practically have a panic attack within 30 seconds, I had to stop and remember my word. I had to remember that I was fucking safe. 

So I rolled onto my back, put my hands on my stomach, and started taking massive deep belly breathes. I filled my stomach with as much air as I could, slowly exhaled, and said my mantra in my head "I am safe. I have always been safe. I will always be safe. I am safe in this moment. I am safe is no one buys, I am safe is someone buys, I am safe in this moment."  Over and over again I took these deep massive breathes and repeated this mantra until my heart rate began to slow down, my body started to unclench itself, and eventually I drifted off into sleep. 

Launching is a terrifying fucking experience as an entrepreneur, no matter what level yo are at and you know what? I wish I could tell you that with each launch it gets a little bit easier, but sometimes it doesn't. Every launch is filled with fear, self doubt, downward spirals, I believe it is somewhat inevitable. I have launched over a dozen programs, I have made over $600,000 in cash in my business, and I still have moments of complete freaking the fuck out over it. 

Here I am surrounded by so much abundance, filled with joy, and a moment of lack still etched its way into my soul last night. But I have to believe that if for some reason my launch doesn't succeed, it's part of a bigger plan for me. I have to believe that everything happens for a reason because the Universe has showed me time and time again how fucking true that is. I have to believe that no matter what happens with this launch, I will figure it the fuck out, that I will prosper. 

You have to believe in yourself, your abilities, your smarts, to know that no matter what happens in your launch, you will figure something the fuck out. You will figure a way out to make the income you need, you will figure out how to launch better the next round, you will figure out what worked and where you need to improve, you will always figure it the fuck out because you are you.  

And most importantly, you have to feel safe in whatever the fuck happens during your launch. The second you start to allow yourself to feel unsafe, is the second you have shot your launch in the foot, because if you don't feel safe, you will lose faith in yourself, and you won't be able to sell the way you need to sell in order to make the money that you desire. You will start to self sabotage, become overwhelmed with fear, and you will stop showing up, and you need to show up in order to sell. 

Last night scared the shit out of me. This whole year scares the shit out of me, but I've got to at least try to launch this program with all I have got. Whatever the results maybe at the end, I have to be ok with them and know that whatever happens, I've fucking got this. And I guess I am writing this to just be honest with you, that no matter how many launches you get under your belt, you will always have a little bit of the fear inside of you, and that is normal. 

This is my way of releasing whatever came over me in that moment last night because it has stuck to my soul since it has happened. It kicked me in the ribs and I have felt the lingering bruise all day. I hope that me getting this off my chest and sharing with you that last night, fuck, I felt unsafe with myself for a moment, will help you recognize you aren't alone if you experience something similar. 

I just want to be honest with you because the world needs a bit more honesty, a bit more realness & rawness, a bit more vulnerability. Because what happened to me last night, made me feel very vulnerable, it left me feeling raw. It fucking hurt. I felt like all of my hard work to stay safe in my journey dissipated in the matter of seconds, I felt like I took 10 steps backwards in an instant, and that just felt shitty. 

And I shared this story with the ladies of Kings Court today and I wanted to share it with you. I don't want to just be the Coach who shows up confidently on camera, I want to be the Coach who tells you that I am just as scared as you are every day, that I struggle with my own self confidence and faith all of the time, and that I don't want to feel guilty or shameful about that anymore. 

Just because you are afraid, doesn't mean you aren't fucking great at what you do. Just because you spiral doesn't mean you aren't good enough. Just because you have a moment of feeling unsafe doesn't mean you are failing or have taken steps backward, it just means that you are fucking human and this journey is a shit show.

A beautiful, terrifying, exhilarating shit show.  

Because this is entrepreneurship

A rollercoaster ride where you want to shit yourself, throw up, and scream at the top of your lungs one drop after another

A thrilling experience that leaves you breathless and wanting to ride again 

An experience that is not made for everyone

but made especially for you

And that is why despite all of this

I will never quit it

Even if the launch completely flops  

I will never be able to walk away from this journey

I will just get back in the seat

Buckle up

And get ready for the next ride

And I hope you will do the same

Because I don't want to ride alone on this journey

I want you to buckle into the seat next to me

So let's ride this shit show together

What do you say?

Love your freakin face,

Amanda