Emotional As Fuuuuuck

Hey Gorgeous Souls,

Today was fucking rough. I'm not going to lie, I feel like a dumpster fire. The day started out great, woke up early in a great mood, but then during my therapy appointment I felt like I got kicked in the dick and just haven't recovered. It was rough. 

I started therapy back in August when I was starting to develop anxiety over my business. My business has always been my happy place. The place in my life that I have felt my best, that I have been my most authentic self. Over the last year I have started noticing all of this pressure I was putting on myself to achieve in my business. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love to achieve things, but this wasn't a happy go lucky type of achieving energy, this was a heavy pressured energy that was starting to slowly suffocate me. My business is everything to me and the last thing I wanted to do was destroy it because I was bringing this energy to it and so I started therapy. 

And some days in therapy are fucking phenomenal. It is the one place I can be the most honest, where I can word vomit all over someone without judgement. It's my space to let the ugly negativity out, and there are so many time where I walk away feeling amazing.  Today tho, was not that day. 

The call started out fine where I was expressing how much anxiety I was feeling over achieving sales goals this month and before I knew it, I was balling. My stomach felt like it was flipping and all of this pain was coming to the surface, and it fucking sucked. It felt terrible and I was hoping that once I get it out of me, all the tears, pain, and processing, that I would be okay, that I could bounce back.

That, my friends, was not the fucking case today. I left the call feeling like my soul was sucked out of me. Adam asked how my session was I said "fucking terrible" and proceeded to burst out crying again. I felt frustrated in my business, I felt like I was putting so much effort forward and not seeing the results I wanted. I felt like I wasn't being recognized the way I wanted to be. I felt like I was standing in my own path to success because I was self- sabotaging. 

I cried, yelled, raged, and broke the fuck down. I felt like shit. I was hoping that through out the day, I would feel better. Tried to watch some cute animal Tik Toks to make me laugh, continued to process my emotions as they were coming up with Adam, tried to make myself feel better and yet nothing was working. Even food tasted like shit today which was the icing on the cake for my shitty day. 

I have felt like my stomach is tied up in knots and that I am going to lose my shit and start crying if someone even looks at me. No matter what I do, I can't shake it, and I think that is the whole point, I shouldn't shake it. 

Y'all this is the uncomfortableness of an uplevel. This is emotional roller coaster of busting through a new level of yourself. This is the part of the process that we try and rush through because it feels like garbage and it makes us sick to our stomachs, but this is also the most powerful part, and if we rush through it or try and push it down or numb it, it loses it's significance and we don't get the breakthrough that is needed to become the best level of ourselves.

Entrepreneurship is absolutely fucking terrifying. Being your own boss and be responsible for other people's pay checks is absolutely terrifying. Putting offers out into this world is terrifying, All of it is terrifying. 

But what it comes down to is: you have to fucking trust yourself. 

You have to trust that you are making the right decisions for your business: always. You may stumble from time to time, you will a thousand percent make mistakes, you will fail, but you have to trust that it is all happening for a reason. You have to trust that no matter what happens, you went with your intuition, that you listened to your soul, and no matter what the outcome of that is, it is never wrong.  

Entrepreneurship is not easy. It has massive potential, it changes lives, it creates impact, but it is anything but easy and I believe we need to talk about that more. No matter how confident you are in your business vision, you will have times were you feel like everything you are doing is wrong, that fear is so suffocating you may collapse,  that your mind is going so fast in such a bad way you might scream, all of it is completely normal. Every one goes through it but not everyone gets through it and that is why I am sharing this with you.

Because I want you to get through it. I want you to feel less alone. I want you to be successful and if me showing you the real side of entrepreneurship can prepare you for the bumpy ride than I am here for it. There is limitless potential with owning an online business but with the good comes the bad and the down right ugly. We have to accept all of it if we truly want to succeed in life. It's a hot mess express, but we need to be willing if we ride the highs to ride the lows as well. 

It's all fucked right? And it's all beautiful as well. It's all apart of the ride and we have to be willing to take our chances and buckle the fuck up. 

Love your freakin faces,

Amanda